Types of Urbexer


If you have had a sense of humour failure or are prone to rage then it’s probably best you don’t read this.


So the world of urbex is a strange one.  Not the hobby, the people in the community.


Yes there’s good and bad people in every walk of life but this community is so toxic sometimes…


There are many types of Urbexer -


  • The Lone Ranger - goes about their journey on their own in their own little world, keeps themselves to themselves and don’t draw any attention.

  • The Elite - I’m not actually sure who is elite but some think they are because they believe they find the best locations  and fly all over the world or think they do the best photography.   Ideas of grandeur.

  • The Serious - takes the hobby very seriously, doesn’t have time for “the little people”

  • The Brave - tackle some seriously dangerous locations with ease while the rest of us would run a mile.

  • The Twat - believes they are the best ever, has an army of people who blow smoke up their arse on a regular basis. Posts live feeds of themselves and then moans when someone calls security or the police on them.

  • The Pinocchio - tells lies at every opportunity about locations, like every place they visit has been the scene of a murder or is haunted.  Probably haunted by the amount of hot air coming out their own arses.

  • The Delusional - (see also The Twat) truly believes that everyone loves them and sells merchandise in any shape or form to people without 2 pennies to rub together who somehow swear allegiance to said explorer.  

  • The Attention Seeker - believes that everyone wants to see them in every picture posing at the soggiest of derps. Selfies are fine but not every post needs an abundance of them, especially when half naked or dressed like they’re off to a nightclub. Eye bleach needed.  Also posts cryptic statuses or stories regularly.  

  • The Show Off - (see also The Attention Seeker) has to post 100 stories to Instagram showing off where they have been.  Take note, as boring as watching someone’s home video of their cousins holiday to Jersey.  

  • The Vindictive - has an attitude problem, suffers with narcissism, has a God complex.  Continually causes problems for others in the hobby.  Stirs more shit than a mascerator.  Writes unkind things about people in abandoned buildings.  Plays the victim quite well.  King or Queen of denial.  Believes every bad thing they hear is about them so they can twist it to suit their narrative.  Throws their toys out the pram when it’s done to them. Nothing more than a grubby little troll.

  • The Pin Whore - will do anything to get a pin.  Would probably shit on their own nan to get one.  Also dishes pins out to others like they’re sweets because they believe that’s the best way to make friends in the hobby.

  • The Fakes - not to be confused with The Pinocchio.  Pretends to be really interested in being friendly in order to get a pin off you.  Pretends to be a friendly sort while slagging you off behind your back.

  • The Beggy Mitchell - constantly asks for pins like a cat who’s just been fed will do for food at your neighbours house.

  • The Billy Bragg - (see also The Show Off) goes on and on like a stuck record about an amazing explore they’ve done.

  • The One Hit Wonder - posts the same photo every week and that’s it, like they’ve only been to that one location and taken that one picture.

  • The Sticker Brigade - has an abundance of stickers of their “logo” that they stick all around every building they explore.  Like a calling card.  

  • The Grow Knobs - gets over excited like a 12 year old when they stumble across a weed grow in a building and posts 400 pictures of said grow.  

  • The Rubble Bums - enjoys exploring what is essentially a pile of rubble.

  • The Derp Master - loves a soggy derp.

  • The Ambulance Chasers - explores nans houses when said nan isn’t even cold yet. Rummages through their belongings. Probably follows Private Ambulances when they see one to see where they’re going to collect a body from so they can pin the address.

  • The Joker - makes their explores fun, doesn’t care what other people think. They go out and enjoy themselves like a dog with 2 dicks.

  • The Bore - posts every single photo from an explore in batches of 10 on Instagram for the next week.  Clogging up peoples feeds like a festival toilet.

  • The Odd - posts out of focus shots of broken cupboard doors or piles of old carrier bags left on the floor.

  • The Fanatic - out almost every day. How the fuck do they afford it? It’s not a cheap hobby and when you have a family they come first.

  • The Shitter - takes a shit in every building they go to.  Sometimes you’ll find shitty pants nearby where they’ve had to wipe with them.  Possibly needs to see a doctor about their bowel habits.

  • The Careless - one to watch out for in a good way as they’ll post either an external shot that’s found on Google Image Search or there’s something in the background of a shot with something that gives away the location.

  • The Tea-leaf - robs places blind.  Like a fucking magpie this one will take anything shiny.  And sometimes not so shiny like a natty old bit of taxidermy that’s probably crawling with weevils. Must make an absolute fortune on eBay.

  • The Vandals - cannot keep their hands to themselves and have to destroy everything in their path like some angry Hulk.

  • The Lawrence Llewelyn Bellend - spends hours tidying up abandoned places before taking their photos and are also known for then messing the place up again and hiding things so no one else can get the same shot.  Some LLB’s like to brag about their time spent tidying up and probably look like Mrs Doubtfire.

  • The Normal Normans - just want to get on and explore.  Prefers to travel alone or in small groups.  Not very talkative if they bump into others as they don’t really like speaking to people they don’t know. They might be shy or an arsehole.  
  •  
  • The Sellout - can’t  keep anything to themselves they have to sell their explores to the papers for the fame they so desire.  Sellouts ruin it for others because places get sealed.
  •  
  • The Fame Monster - constantly chases fame through the hobby, posts anything for clout.  Also buys likes and follows on social media and pays to have a blue tick on their account to make them seem important.  About as import as a dog turd with a lolly stick in it.


The list is extensive and i could waffle on for hours but you get the gist.  Do you see yourself in any of these?  I do. Life would be boring if we were all the same.


If you find yourself offended by this in any way please call 0800-IM-A-BIG-BABY





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