The Urbex Cringe Cult


 

Whenever I see this shit my piss starts boiling…

GHOST CAUGHT ON CAMERA - yes we’ve all probably had an odd experience in a location but instead of trying to find a reasonable explanation some go straight for the ghost caught on camera bollocks.  Usually that noise you heard is a pigeon in a loft space, a rat scurrying around, the wind.  If you’re gonna claim to have caught a ghost on camera then getting your mate to hide in a cupboard and slowly open the door is never going to work especially when it’s so obvious.  Or like one who claimed to be exploring alone while there was another pair of feet as well as theirs in their photos.

HORROR FIND - usually a poor birds corpse that someone has moved into an odd position for a photo opportunity.  Or perhaps a pair of shitty pants that probably belonged to some dirty article who forgot to bring the urbex bog roll with them so had to clean up with their pants.  I’m yet to see a horror find by anyone.

WE FOUND- the classic opener for tiktok and youtube videos of places that every Tom, Dick and Harry have been to.  News for you, you didn’t actually find the location, you more than likely begged the pin from someone else.  If you actually found it it wouldn’t be in the appalling state it is in with every drawer turned out on the floor.

BUY MY MERCH - why on earth do you think you’re that important that people want to walk around wearing a sweatshirt with your name on it?  The only people who buy merch are an unfortunate bunch of people who have disabilities that makes them vulnerable enough to worship the ground you walk on and spend their benefits on you thinking they mean something to you when you couldn’t actually give a shit.  There should be laws about things like this.

MASSIVE DRUG FIND - wow, you found an old grow in a bando.  Well done you, it’s not really worthy of 600 photos is it? Or the clowns who recently went to the trouble of wrapping up granulated sugar in brown packages and claimed it was coke.  What a pair of spanner’s.

EXCLUSIVE TO SUBSCRIBERS - another way to make money off the unfortunates who hang on your every word.  It’s disgusting to rip people off like this.

DON’T FORGET TO TUNE IN - I won’t tune in thanks.  Seeing this makes me want to tune out (of the human race).  The self importance is huge here. Going live to show yourself rummaging in nans houses, sneaking around in a bush etc. and why do you only film yourself and not the actual explore? No one wants to see your sweaty mug on camera.

MURDER HOUSE - lot of murders occurring in the UK if this bullshit clickbait is anything to go by.  How unlucky must someone be to discover that every place they’ve explored has been the scene of a murder? Knowing their luck they’d explore an old igloo in Greenland or somewhere and discover a horrendous murder happened there.

JOIN MY PODCAST - why? To listen to you chat absolute bollocks for an hour or so? News flash, your life is not that interesting that you need a podcast.

WE FOUND A BODY - like I mentioned before until you find an actual corpse of a human, a decaying bloated rat or mummified squirrel doesn’t count.

HE DIED IN HERE - what because there’s a weird smell and a stain on the bed?  Could be a wank stain for all anyone knows, or piss.  Unless you can actually prove someone died there just shut up.

A DEMON FOUND US - surely it would have found everyone else who’s been there before you? 

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